Wishes do come true.ย 

Very rare of me to post in consecutive days but since my posts are so few and far in between, relish it hahaha. 

Today I just want to grumble a little about you-know-who. Perhaps because I’ve had nothing but praises about him (except for the few posts where I really went for it), and he knows I look at him and everything he does with heart eyes (๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜), that he’s taken me for granted. I want to formally inform you that I don’t like it one bit so don’t you take that attitude with me, mister. 

We were just texting and he asked my opinion about an event that he did. First, he asked why I didn’t like his post, of which I didn’t answer (see, he actually enjoys the attention I shower on him ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„). Then he asked my thoughts on those pictures. I told him honestly that I didn’t scrutinise them this time and he actually had the gall to go all iffy on me!!! Said it was a waste of his time asking me and saying things like “forget I asked”. Excuse me?! Let me remind you, no one controls *this* wild child.

I mean, since you’re so busy and have zero time for me then why should I spend all my waking hours obsessing over you? And the one time I don’t offer my full support you get all tantrumny on me? Since you don’t even have time to share about your projects, what’s the point of me getting into it when I don’t know shit? That’s hardly fair isn’t it. 

I know you have been there for me and I really do appreciate it very much. In fact, perhaps you’ll be subconsciously used as a benchmark in future. I don’t even want a relationship any longer. As we all grow older, I think just having a companion is good enough. But obviously, I’m not even good enough for that. And this hot and cold game, this ambiguity thingy is so tiring to manage. 

If you haven’t already realised, the distance between us is getting wider because you don’t let me in. Has it also not hit you that I rarely initiate texting you these days? Oh how the tables have turned. But you cannot blame me. You were the one who kept pushing me away and keeping me at arm’s length all these years. And you were the one who also urged me to stop waiting. So maybe, just maybe, I am tired. Be careful what you wish for. 

Ok I’m done ranting. I feel better and I’m going to bed. 

xoxoxoxo. 

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Been there, done that.ย 

Am I getting lazy? Or do I have fewer things to write about these days because of my lack of a social life? Anyway, I’ve been to Sydney and back, and while I usually gush about my holidays, I just didn’t have the feel for this one. Maybe because it left a bad taste in my mouth but since I spent way more than I fucking intended, I’ll just talk about one of the highlights. Climbing the Sydney Harbour Bridge. 

I opted to do the night climb because I didn’t actually see the city after twilight can you imagine that. I also did the full climb because since I was already way over budget, why not just go bigger right? Then because I figured this was going to be one of those once in a lifetime kind of thing, I paid even more money to get a nice memorabilia out of it. 

I have to say I was very impressed by the way the climbs were organised. If I remember correctly, the whole preparation process took about 40 minutes, but of course safety is of utmost importance so that was really necessary. So most of the days while I was there, I had perfect weather. And we all know not everyday is Sunday, so the day I did my climb, it rained the whole day. No. Rain is not even the right word to use. It was fucking pouring. 

Our guide was really upbeat about it though. She kept going, “How often do you get to climb the bridge in the rain?!”. Well, personally, I’d prefer it if I had clear skies so I could admire the cityscape better. 

And because climbing the bridge is such a touristy thing to do, everybody else were either in pairs or as a family. Except me. And I had to be the only Asian. Who is diabetic. So right from the start I was singled out like a sore thumb because I had to keep raising my hand when they asked if anyone had an illness they needed to be aware of, if anyone had any medication (had to carry a small bag of sweets in case my blood sugar levels dipped during the climb) to be brought up, etc. 

And because the weather was supposed to be cold-ish, I wore a sweater and jeans to it. Ohmygod. So we all had to put on a full jumper, and another pair of rain pants, and because it was pouring, we put on the rain jacket too. So you can imagine how bulky and chunky we all looked. I’m sure we looked as good as we possibly could under those circumstances. Well, I felt as sexy as a marshmallow. And because we were walking and climbing, I actually perspired like mad inside. Not a good feeling. 

The climb itself was quite scary at certain points because of the rain whipping at us and the winds whooshing around us. And that traffic was whizzing below us. I know I’m not a very fit person but I thank the gods I used to stair-climb home everyday (operative word: used to lol), because some legs were quite intense and I was panting non-stop hahaha. 

And remember I said I paid extra for some souvenir photos? So I had grand plans of looking nice to make everybody else jealous. I styled my hair and put on a bright lippie colour. But of course, since when does things go according to plans right. Because of the downpour, my hair was matted and messy because we kept putting the hood of the rain coat up and down up and down. And I know exactly how my hair reacts to rain. It just sucks. 

So when it was time to select my photos, I just wanted to squat down and wail. I had eight pictures taken and they all looked like fuck. But I already paid $35! So I had no choice but to choose the best out of the worst. It was a good thing I wore a bright lip colour or I’d look worse. It’s so bad I refuse to show them to anyone (other than my family who of course laughed ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„), and I posted a really tiny, faraway version on Instagram. So small that you can’t see no details no matter how hard you zoom in. And you’ll get to see the same photo. The view was great though. 

So now that this has been done, I’d probably never do it again. But it was a good experience. Except that I’d like to caution not to do it when it’s raining because the steps are very slippery when wet so all you care about is not to slip and fall and die (I slipped a couple of times, nearly spraining my ankle once). And when you’re so focused, your attention from the guide doing the introduction gets diverted. So check the weather forecast obsessively before you book your climb. 

And if you don’t already know, I’m the queen of merch (some people might prefer the word sucker), so how could I not do this? ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ I did the climb so the bear can come home with me. 

xoxoxoxo. 

Unhappy campers.ย 

My friends are not going to be happy about this. A handful of them are convinced that I’m never going to be able to put X down and walk away even though I promised them I’d try. Tonight, they have been proven right again. 

I’ve told them this theory that I believe in. I also suspect that he’s secretly reading my blog because his timing is always impeccable. Every time I get tired and decide that this is it, somehow, something somewhere will happen and suck me back into the vortex. I’ve tried the out of sight out of mind thing, I’ve tried not initiating any contact, I’ve tried moving on but nothing seems to be more powerful than his draw. I think I’ve shown a vast improvement compared to just a couple of years ago but an improvement is still not sufficient. 

He’s been claiming to be busy, so I told myself ok, enough is enough. Just let it go and move on. And while things seemed to be going quite well, boom. In he comes like a wrecking ball. 

We were chatting over text for a while this afternoon and I thought that was it. Then he continued it from 7pm, and we’ve been at it till now (1am). My sister was using my phone earlier to look at some shopping and you could see the disdain on her face and by how violently she was swiping away his messages that kept coming in. It was quite funny to be honest. But she thinks I’m a lost cause so maybe that’s why she kept quiet. 

He knows I have a weak spot for Paris because I feel it’s the best place in the world to be (and also because we holidayed there together), so I don’t know why but he brought it up all of a sudden and we started reminiscing our most memorable times there. That made me go back in time, and in turn, tons of wonderful memories came flooding back and it reminded me of how it solidified my belief that he’s the best man on this planet and oh how I want to marry him and bring him home. 

And just like that, my earlier resolution crumbled into ashes and dust. I hate it that he has such a strong hold on me and in a way is being so manipulative (whether he realises it or not). He says he will never hold on to me because he cannot give me happiness but yet he’s so protective and looks out for me all the damn time. He subtly, unconsciously reminds me that no one else is measurable compared to him, heck, no one even comes close. He says all these non-romantic things but his actions are so chivalrous. I just feel so torn. 

Oh what do I do. I should go to sleep, that’s what I should do. 

xoxoxoxo. 

We are what we are.ย 

Happy Labour Day from my side of the world! Yabadabadoooooo to the long weekend! I’ve had such a fruitful week leading up to this three-day weekend. The company had our annual kick-off where strategies, focus and targets for FY2017 were rolled out. We had a Rock ‘N’ Roll themed dinner where awards for deserving people were given out, and as usual, I drank way more than I should hahahaha. I reminded myself not to scare my new colleagues, but the alcohol made me do it. Sorry the pictures are so dark, I was lazy to edit them lol. And can we all take a minute to admire the beauty of my new boss (in the middle picture). It’s terrible of me to be saying such lusty things but from the very first time my eyes clapped on him, I was like helloooooo!, and very promptly almost fell off my chair in awe and impure thoughts. I know. Like I said, trรจs terrible. So before I get fired or arrested, let’s quickly move on. We had our team building activity on Wednesday at one of those escape the room thingy. I was a tad worried I might appear to be a complete bimbo but I did much better than I expected. Creative minds are useful too. And our team won woohoo! (And let’s have another look at him shall we lol. ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜)Omg so tall! Ok stop stop Sabrina. 

Moving on…. Went to do one of my favourite things two consecutive days- Watching musicals! It is a fairly costly hobby, but the joy that it brings me is priceless. And also, support local haha. Tropicana is about a nightclub/cabaret that opened in 1968 in Singapore and they were well-known for being forerunners in the industry, and also famous for staging topless revues- something really radical for its time. It was great, because it gave me a glimpse of the glory of its heyday and I cannot help but feel a little jealous that I wasn’t able to partake in this only because I hadn’t been born yet. It’s ok. I’m lucky I have wild imagination. Today’s musical is so special to me. Five years ago, when Wild Rice (the theatre production company) first staged the localised version of La Cage aux Folles, I went with a group of friends not knowing what to expect from a musical because I’d never been to one. Little would I know that it not only opened my eyes and mind, but a whole new world of theatre to me. Since then, I’ve been diligently catching different genres of plays, musicals and pantomimes and loving each one, some more than others. So when I found out they’d be restaging La Cage, I bought tickets immediately after they were released. 

If the first time opened my eyes, then the second did wonders for me. I had a huge smile plastered on my face the entire duration, eyes soaking in every colour, every detail, every facial expression of the performers. Oh and I also teared three times because omg, so touching. Now it may sound silly but I really feel like buying tickets to one more show. It really is that good! Also, first time all us siblings are catching a show together!My heart is so full, and I feel that my life is complete at the mo. ๐Ÿ™†๐Ÿป๐Ÿ™†๐Ÿป๐Ÿ™†๐Ÿป

xoxoxoxo. 

Going apes in April.ย 

Helloooo! I know, I know I’ve been MIA for a while. To be honest, nothing much has happened. Let’s see….

I changed a job, still in pharmaceutical sales, the difference is that for my key product, I’m a one-woman show running the whole island, instead of having a team. Which is a breath of fresh air because while most of my ex-team mates are tight, there are black sheeps everywhere right? I’m just so glad I extricated myself from that toxic environment and people. Amen. 

With a new job comes new challenges too. The product I’m doing is quite niche, and there are only that handful of doctors so… Let’s just say these doctors will be seeing a lot of me hahaha. And you know how I can be quite competitive right? So this product is soooooo technical and complicated compared to diabetes, so I have had no choice but to put in extra hours to read and re-read my materials again and again. 

Home-wise, the whole family is in Bangkok having the time of their lives while I’ll be alone for seven days. There’s a few reasons why I’m not with them. The first being my starting this new job. I’m only about three weeks in so I wouldn’t even think about applying for leave so soon. Which brings me to the second. I’m going to Sydney for a week in May. And tickets for this trip was purchased in February even before I left my ex- company. While my superiors are aware of this, I still feel a tad embarrassed for taking time off so soon. And if you all remember, I just returned from Bangkok in March, so there really isn’t a need to go so soon again. It’s terrible having no one to talk to, but a part of me enjoys this silence and doing of laundry hahaha. Don’t tell my mother. She’ll make me do all the laundry in future. 

X-wise, well, I actually met up with him (finally!) at the end of March and I have mixed feelings about it. Of course I was in most parts, excited, but when we eventually met, something just seemed off. While we still ramble and joke and annoy each other during our texting sessions, we didn’t seem to have that much to say to each other. Which made me sad. What happened in those months that he was always too busy to meet me? In the five years we’ve known each other, we’ve never been this quiet or run out of things to say to each other. 

Maybe this was the reason why I haven’t been actively writing also, because I didn’t want to have to pen down these words myself. Because that would mean even I sense something is not quite right. He seems to be charging forward with life though. All these new friends and projects and social stuff, while I stand by and watch like a spectator. I hate this. I hate him. I hate me. Ugh. 

Well. At least we’re creeping into Friday as I type, so that is comforting enough. And I’m meeting the boys for dinner, so that will calm my titties down too. 

xoxoxoxo. 

Old but gold.ย 

Past midnight where I am, so I would like to wish my elder sister a very happy birthday!

I feel like I’ve probably wrote something similar before, but I want to tell everybody what an awesome sister I have. 

My sister is two years older than me, and like all younger siblings, I always wanted to be joined at her hip. Can’t say the same for her though hahaha. When we were young, there was only the two of us for the longest time, so obviously I idolised her. Every where she went, I’d want to follow. Even to birthday parties of her classmates who I didn’t really know. Of course she protested, but my mother always got the upper hand by saying she can’t go if she didn’t bring me along so she really didn’t have much of a choice haha. Till this day, she never fails to remind me what a pest I was. Actually, she still thinks I’m annoying but I think she secretly loves it. 

She’s always got my back too (even though she denied knowing me when we were in primary school because I was always getting into fights lol). She told my ex to fuck off when he was being a prick (and I actually screamed at her for that and am sorry to this day), she silently watches my friends and reminds me who are the jerks and who are the keepers. 

She entertains all those around her with her wicked sense of humour and is an extremely generous person who doesn’t sweat the small stuff. 

Of course she’s not perfect and sometimes I get really really annoyed by her, but on the whole, I’d have to say she’s the best older sister one can ever ask for, and I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world. 

She hates any form of open affection though and sometimes I say “I love you” to her just for shits and giggles and to watch her shudder. Actually our family is not very affectionate and I shudder slightly on the inside too occasionally hahahaha. We may not pepper our thoughts with words of love or hugs, but we do love each other in our own ways. 

So A, I really am thankful that you’re my sister and that you put up with me for more than three decades (omg we sound so old! ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ Weren’t we just children a while ago?!), not that you have had much of a choice hahaha. I wish only the best for you, because that’s what the best deserves! I LOVE YOU!!! ๐Ÿ™†๐Ÿป๐Ÿ™†๐Ÿป๐Ÿ™†๐Ÿป

xoxoxoxo. 

Just returned from a weekend getaway to Bangkok late last night and I’m still knackered. Four days of shopping, eating, drinking and getting burnt by the merciless sun. It’s a good thing I had the foresight to take a day off today to recuperate. Man, am I tired. 

I had to wake up at 4am on Friday morning to wash my hair and head to the airport running only on two hours of sleep, and not forgetting I had a full day of work the day before. That will explain why my eye bags are as big as my eyes. 
I got the bigger room because I’m the only girl and guys have this thing about not being able to share a bed with another guy. I wonder why. Our apartment was quite cosy, and I really appreciate all that space I had. โ€‹

โ€‹

We went shopping the moment we dropped our bags, and can I say, I shopped the least amongst us three. Buying a carton of instant noodles was one of the highlights for me. People who know me know that instant noodles are my life. I know they are really bad for health and stuff, but it’s my source of comfort food and no one can stop me, not especially when they only cost S$0.20 per packet! So I bought 50 packets hahahaha. 

Went to this really beautiful bar/ distillery at night and I really loved the place. The ambience was great, the music was fitting, and the drinks delicious. I lamented to the boys that if I brought a date instead of them, I would so want to make up with said fictional date because it was that fitting. And I’m not even a romantic person. 

(This will probably the last picture of me with a “clean” back because my tattoo appointment is just around the corner.)

We did more shopping on day two and the primary reason why we went was to party, so party we did. 

Tired from all the late nights, we took it easy on the third day (with more shopping lol). โ€‹

โ€‹โ€‹

โ€‹

And my haul for the trip. Not pictured here are some t-shirts that I bought for family, three pairs of sandals and some snacks. But really, I don’t think I’ve met another girl who goes to Bangkok and buys so little. Day four and homaigawd I’m so tired and ready to go home. Coming back, people were sniggering when my carton of noodles came rolling out while being tagged as priority baggage and a “fragile” sticker. Laugh all you want people, but I’m the one having the last laugh. โ€‹โ€‹

โ€‹xoxoxoxo. โ€‹

Teething problems.ย 

I never really paid much attention to my teeth other than the usual daily brushing and flossing (guilty of skiving off sometimes) because well, even though it’s shameless to praise myself, I do think my teeth are quite nice. They are tidy and neat, and should be where they should be, all these without needing any assistance from braces or retainers. 

So last December, I visited my dentist and while cleaning my teeth he asked me a couple of questions. “Are you stressed at work?”, Yes. “Do you not have quality sleep?”, Yes. “Do you wake up several times during the night for no reason at all?”, Yes. “Have you noticed that you have a perpetual raised line on either side of your inner cheek?”, Yes. 

And then came the shocker. Because of constant stress, my jaws clamp with tension even in my sleep (I get it during the day too, just that I make a conscious effort to try to relax and unclamp them), and my teeth grind. As a result, my teeth has deteriorated greatly in just one year (also guilty of not seeing him every six months like I should). 

In an attempt to solve this, I was suckered in forking out $500 for a night guard. Apparently wearing it to sleep will “reset” the muscle memory of my jaw and keep them unclenched. I’ve been wearing them for a week now. Not sure if I’m showing signs of a placebo effect, but I really do sleep much better these days. Other than waking up to pee occasionally, I actually sleep through most nights fitfully. Until my alarm reminds me that it’s time to wake up for work that is. 

However, I’m slightly disturbed by something. The outer shell of this night guard is made from hard acrylic, as it’s supposed to act as a protective layer, while the inner layer is made from a slightly softer material because it moulds and fits my teeth. As soon as after the first night, I found some little dents on the outer shell, and they have increased in numbers and depth since. Obviously I’m still clenching my jaws when I sleep but the strength of them is slightly disconcerting. 

I’m not sure because this is my first time I’m seeking professional help for my dental health, but is this normal?

Also, I think I broke part of my molar. Don’t ask me how I managed that. It started when I heard and felt a crunch while eating one day and since then, even when drinking water, it seeps in and it hurts. I just did an x-ray recently but we couldn’t find anything. The dentist said it might be a hairline crack and that’s why it’s not visible yet. However after dinner tonight, I felt that something was lodged there and after digging around (sorry, but no glam way of describing that), it seems that a part of my tooth has broken off, but the root part of it is still stuck in my gums. Great. 

Best of all, my dentist doesn’t work everyday. Should I wait two days to hopefully try to get a slot or just wing it and try any random guy?

Is this all part and parcel of growing older? Like you know, things start breaking down and showing more signs of wear and tear? This adult business is tough. I don’t want to grow up. 

xoxoxoxo. 


Heart skips, skips a beat.ย 

March already! Soon, I’ll be typing my posts from my rocking chair in a nursing home… In case anyone was wondering, I’ve been busy with work and stuff. So busy I just want to cocoon myself in come weekends. 

I miss X terribly. The last time I saw him in the flesh was maybe at least six months ago. I joke that we’re like the Cowherd and Weaving Girl who only get to meet on that bridge once a year (it’s a Chinese folklore, you can Google it if you’re interested). You know, there are so many things about him that irks me, but more that makes my heart so full I feel it’s bursting. I wanted to say skip a beat, but that would mean I have arrhythmia lol. 

*** WARNING! SAPPY, POTENTIALLY GAG-INDUCING POST AHEAD. ***

Of course I’d rather much tell him things face to face, but any form of communication is better than none I guess. I love how he always encourages me and cheers me up. He’s forever so supportive in my decisions. He’s fiercely defensive of me, hating people whom I dislike even more than me. And even though he’s sometimes having a bad day, he never forgets to ask how mine went. And when he’s having a bad day, he tends to throw mini tantrums and seek comfort which I find soooo endearing. It could just be because I’m so smitten but still. He always says things which makes me believe I’m the literary genius he makes me out to be (I’m no where near). And I really have to reiterate the following point over and over again till Kingdom comes. Best of all, he tolerates my bratty self when I give him attitude (whether or not he was the cause of my anger). 

Sometimes life is like deciding on a set meal. Perhaps Set A has an amazing appetiser but the main course is blah, and maybe Set B has your ideal starter and mains, but the dessert which you really wanted to eat is something you absolutely detest. So I think it’s all a matter of compromise and weighing on what you want more. 

I think it’s quite clear what I’ve chosen even though I whine about his shortcomings every now and then, and how everybody keeps urging me to move on because this is obviously going nowhere and probably never will. 

But it’s ok. I can’t really eat desserts anyway right? 

Useless fact #72: Do you know, that this Friday, will be five years since our paths first crossed? How has it been five years?!

xoxoxoxo. 

Winner winner, chicken dinner.ย 

Happy Singles’ Awareness Day once again! I’m so consistent I’m actually mildly proud of it. 

Speaking of singles, the boys and I say or do pretty dumb things at times, and Saturday seemed to have topped the charts for now. I don’t remember who brought it up, or why we were talking about it, but maternal instincts and biological clocks came into the picture. I vehemently denied wanting any children ever (you know how I cringe at that thought), and the boys insisted otherwise. I’m very surprised because even though we had some years lapsed between us, I’ve been anti-children since they knew me 17 years ago (fuck, does this make me sound old or what). 

But noooo, they were as sure as the sun will shine tomorrow morning that I’d be a mother to at least a couple of little monsters one day. And I threw the question back to them. And their answers left my jaw hanging. Apparently they ALL want to be fathers some day! Ok. Maybe I don’t know them as well as I think I do. Like, what’s going to happen to me when they all settle down and leave me by my lonesome self??? Homaigawd. 

So anyway, we were going back and forth about the future of my uterus and we came up with this stupid bet. They are very confident that I’ll be a mother by the end of 2019. But then they started cheating. They said even if I adopt a cat, or become someone’s godmother I would lose. Seriously, who makes up such ridiculous rules?! It ties back to my “maternal instincts”. And the stakes are 10 bottles of gin (later upped to Martell) that are to be shared amongst us, sponsored by the loser. 

Okayyyy. I don’t know about them but I’m pretty confident these bottles will belong on my shelf. Logically speaking, we’re halfway into quarter one of 2017. That means to fulfill the bet (putting the cat rule aside), I’d have to 1) find a man, 2) charm the pants off each other, 3) plan a wedding, 4) be married, 5) conceive, and 6) finally give birth. All within a span of two years give and take. 

Seriously. I’m laughing as I type at the incredulity of it all. I think they’ve forgotten the most important point here. I’m fucking consistent. If I can be single since…. (hold on I’m really counting) 2005 (wait WHAT?! Holy fuck!!), what makes them think I’ll accomplish six impossible tasks in such a short time?

Let’s all wait and see. Let the countdown begin. Am going to sit back and wait for my 10 bottles to fall into my lap. 

xoxoxoxo.