Sadder than sad.

Turned on the tv today, and they happened to be screening this Taiwanese movie 比悲伤更悲伤的故事. Loosely translated, it means ‘A sorrowful story more than being sorrowful’, but I think it’s official English title is More Than Blue.

Anyway it was released the end of last year and I have never watched it. People who have, tell me it’s a tear-jerker. Even X told me he cried in the cinema and that’s like quite the feat.

So prepared I was to shed a tear or two. I won’t spoil it for you in case you’re intrigued after reading this post, but I think I cried for two reasons. The first being, like everybody said, a really sad show. And the second, how closely I relate to it. Two people who love each other but never confessing their love. Ok at least it resonates on my part. I will never know if X also has any feelings for me but some of the things that he did and say are exactly what the male lead did/say.

And the official sound track. My god. It’s so heart-wrenching.

陪伴我呼吸 決定我微笑模樣
是笑著與你分開 思念卻背對背張望
剩下倔強 剩下合照一張

Again, loosely translated (because my Chinese is not the best):

There’s a kind of sorrow/ Where your name is stuck on my past/ Accompanying me as I breathe, determining how I smile/ Unable to forget

There’s a kind of sorrow/ That’s laughing while being apart from you/ Missing you and always looking around for you/ What’s left is stubbornness, leaving behind only a picture of us

Yup. As you can tell, I still cannot get over him. There are moments when I almost cave in, but I have to force myself to think of the heartbreaking words he said to me in order to stop myself. It’s now been almost five months. How long more am I going to need?


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