(Near) Death by cockroach.

Guys. I just nearly died. All I wanted to do was to pee. The light in the toilet has just gone disco bat shit crazy, so in order not to trip, fall and die, I turned on the kitchen light so that I can at least see my way.

The sudden light must have also scared that fucking cockroach when it came on because it kinda jumped at the same time I did. And then all hell breaks loose. It decided to start running. In my direction. I was about to do a triple jump because I saw it coming at me. But what bad timing it was. Just as I landed, my gigantaur (to it at least) foot came down on it. And even though the next moments lasted maybe all of three seconds, it came in slow mo and probably clinched the title of the fucking grossest three seconds of my entire life.

*BE WARNED, GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION FOLLOWS*

First I heard a crunch, and we all can guess where it came from. Then as an aftermath of the massive crush (also to Mr. C), its innards came loose and got smeared onto my foot. Fucking gross I know. I’m still shuddering at the thought of it. And then I slipped because its fucking innards made my foot slick (EEWWWWWW). Then I start flailing (exactly like in cartoons) and all that’s going through my mind is “Oh god this is how I’m going to die!”. So I try my best to regain my balance, and in the process, bang my right knee and also scrape it, kinda lost my left footing and now everywhere fucking hurts.

I don’t think I sprained anything because I don’t feel the pain, but I’m very sure I’ll get a massive bruise on my right knee. Let’s survey the damage tomorrow.

And you know how researchers have concluded that cockroaches are bloody hardy things (I mean they were around since dinosaurs roamed the land)? I have confirmed that they are right. Imagine me coming at it at full force and at such sudden impact (and I’m no where as light as a feather btw) plus losing it’s innards, and all the bugger did was to flip over. I thought it was dead so I confidently only used one piece of tissue to pick it up. But nooooo. It fucking struggled and fell back to the ground.

By this time I was in mild hysteria and screaming silently in my head because god forbid I wake the house up. Had to use a wad of tissues in the end and quickly flushed that bugger away. YUCKS. I HOPE YOU DIE AND DON’T EVER COME BACK.

As I’m typing, I feel the right toe on my right foot hurting as well. Perhaps in the chaos I kinda did a pirouette or something because why else would my toe be in pain? And now, I’m also traumatised. Might have to hold in whatever pee I have till daybreak.

But seriously. Imagine if I had gotten more seriously injured. What would people think if they asked how I got injured and I replied, “I stepped on a cockroach”. Omg loser much.

xoxoxoxo.

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