I am getting so lazy these days lol. From an average of four posts a month down to about one hahaha. Also, these days it’s all about work, so nothing really interesting has come up lately.
You know how people say that folks who have been single too long are the hardest to love? I think I’ll have to agree. I find myself wanting to do everything by myself that even my colleagues say I’m gentlemanly. And when a man wants to do something small like carrying a tray back to the table for me, I find myself jostling to do it. An ex-manager even told me to let men do little things for me, because that’s how men express their love and concern sometimes. This happened after I fought with him about who gets to carry my heavy work-laden bag. Being single forces you to handle every issue yourself because there is literally no one hanging by your side to help you. Not that it’s a bad thing. But as I reflect on my past, I can’t help but giving myself a pat on the back for how far I’ve come.
Since young, my mother was the one who would do almost everything for me. Even simple things like buying food at a foodcourt. Till this day, she sometimes still wants to do it and I’ll have to stop and remind her that I’m already 33 years old. And because I was so used to this treatment, my ex naturally continued this even after having grown up. He always insisted on buying my food despite (some) resistance for me, so I allowed myself to be treated like royalty way into my early 20s. Then we broke up. We ended the relationship when I was 21, so it’s been a good 12 years since I’ve been single. No one believes me when I tell them this but it is true. I mean, I dated that arsehole sporadically for almost nine months, had this ambiguous thing with X that dragged five years, but we were all never officially together. That means that I was still left to my own devices most days.And look how far I’ve come. These days, I have no problems dining alone, much less ordering my own meals. I don’t see the need to engage help say when I’m shopping for groceries and stuff. In fact I always fight my mother to carry her shopping bags because she’s old and her knees are spoiled lol. If I’m sick, I just drag my own sorry ass to the clinic, medicate, drink lots of water and rest till I get well. I no longer manja (kinda like behaving in a pampered, namby pamby manner) anyone as if having a fever was the end of the world.
And because I do everything myself, I’ve become so proud. To the extent that when I see girls behaving like weaklings, I actually roll my eyes and scoff at them lol. I feel like marching up to them at times and scream “Can you don’t?!” in their faces but who am I to do that. They are perfectly happy playing damsels in distress, and there are willing parties gallantly wanting to help them. To each their own.
But I was telling a friend the other day that because of this independence that I’ve honed over the decade and more, woe be to the man who next tries to come into my life. Also, I’m so out of touch I don’t know the “right” way to react to situations anymore. Thinking about all these already tires me out. So I have just one conclusion: It is still better for me to be a lone wolf. (Also, I suspect that I have a little bit of that alpha female thingy within me.)