There are many things that I can share with my family, and some that I don’t because I don’t want them to worry. So I tell my friends. Like my friends who are in the pharmaceutical industry because they understand, but yet because our industry is so small, sometimes I don’t tell in case word gets around and it comes back to me. Then I tell my close friends, because sometimes they understand and sometimes they don’t, but it’s ok, because sometimes all I need is a good old rant and listening ears. Or sometimes, I tell them here, because even though it’s an open space easily accessed by anyone, not many friends know about this, and the rest are strangers, I know it’s fairly safe because who in their right minds will discuss me and my issues to their friends.
There are a few things though, that I cannot tell anyone because of various reasons, and those are the ones that eat me most. Mostly, it’s because the rationale behind it is too long because I need them to understand my thought process. And then I run their probable reactions in my head. Will they judge me? Will they think I’m mad? Will they think I’m evil or cruel? Will they say “I told you so”? Or will they just brush me off?
It’s a pain when I run out of outlets to tell because some of these “secrets” eat at me so bad that I end up feeling miserable. Today is one of those days. It’s a combination of multiple problems arisen from work and personal issues. Even though I can’t vocalise it, it has found ways to surface. Like through my face. I’m having a massive breakout on my chin from the stress.
Can I not go to work tomorrow? Of course I cannot. I have bills to pay and clothes to buy. Silly.