I cannot pinpoint the exact reason to why I’ve been soooo crabby lately, but I think it’s mainly because of work. I can’t quite bitch about it to people at work even though I do, so I’ve been ranting to friends from the same industry hoping they can commiserate. They do, but often times I get so agitated that I feel my blood pressure rising that I may just get a stroke right there and then.
People who know me know how much of an explosive temper I have (totally not proud of this), so when I was recounting many moments where I’ve had to bite my tongue and keep quiet, my friend laughed. And he said that he noticed this positive change in me for a while now. I don’t really see it as an improvement, but he assures me it is and calls it my personal growth.
I admit that my bitchy nature sometimes just wants to say the nastiest things, but I hold back. No point cutting off my nose just to spite my face right?
Other than work, I think it’s also a cumulative effect from many things happening around the same time. The pressure of buying a new car, not earning enough, the annoying pain in my leg (caved in to a steroid jab, hope it works well for awhile), falling sick so frequently and back into that whole hot cold hot cold shit with X.
There is no one person I can tell all of this to, so even though we’re all technically strangers, I’m glad you all provide in a way, a listening ear (or eye). When I started this blog, it was a platform for me to let out my emotions and feelings. Then I had one follower, and one became two, and now there are 200! I know, I know, I’m nowhere near those “influencers” and celebrities, but knowing so many people read without judging (maybe you have, but I’m really thankful I have not received any nasty comment thus far) and how you all know so many things about me without actually knowing me makes me happy. Very happy.
I keep reminding myself it’s not worth it getting a stroke because of work. And I really dislike my crabby self, snapping at anyone and anything. I usually bounce back pretty quickly, so I’m kinda worried that I’ve been in such a funk for so long. I think I know it deep down, but perhaps I be brave enough to really walk away?
Let me be my happy and quirky self again, please.