I want to break free. 

If you haven’t heard me talking about my leg recently, it’s not that I’m all good, it’s just that I don’t know what to do with it anymore. It’s probably been almost half a year since I first felt the pain but nothing works. There’s nothing ominous on my MRI scans, physio was expensive and didn’t do shit (except made me poorer). The last I saw the ortho, he suggested injecting a small dose of steroids. No one knows if it’s going to work or how long it will keep the pain away. 

In the past week or so, the area of pain seemed to have widened. Not only do certain movements still cause me to grimace, but the area is tender to touch and sleeping is becoming more and more of a problem because the pain shakes me awake. Even as I’m typing, I can feel it radiate. 

Sigh. I’m so sick and tired of all these. X nags me to no end, and telling me swimming will help. It may. But I’ve not been in a swimming pool since I was forced to be certified when I was 13. Reasons are simple. I look horrendous in a swimsuit and chlorine does irreparable things to your hair. He calls me obstinate and doesn’t understand how I’d rather suffer than sacrificing image. He doesn’t understand. He also doesn’t understand that the more someone forces me to do something, the more I’ll refuse to do it, out of spite and I don’t know what. 

Thinking if I should seek a second opinion just in case. Sigh. 

xoxoxoxo. 

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