My cold, cold heart. 

I was watching a vlog of this blogger yesterday and she gifted her now husband a jar of paper stars filled with a secret of hers back when they were dating for a year (they’ve been together 10 years now). She asked him not to open it (which he agreed) but he later said he opened it maybe two minutes after she left. 😂😂😂

Which brought me to my own flashback from almost half my lifetime ago. Back then, when I was dating my first boyfriend, he gave me this little trinket which had one of those Japanese amulet thingy attached to it. And he told me to only open it if we broke up. Of course I said ok. But that was it. Throughout the day I was wondering what kind of a secret could be contained in that teeny weeny piece of paper. I don’t even remember how that date went. 

I feel that people should never say things like don’t do this don’t do that because I guarantee the opposite is going to happen. It’s just like how a kid will immediately do what you just said not to do. It’s human nature I reckon. Otherwise why would curiosity killed the cat come about?

The above paragraph is obviously written to defend myself and my actions because I opened it the instant I got home that day. And I think I’m such a terrible person because instead of being touched to the brink of tears like any other young, impressionable girlfriend would, I rolled my eyes. Yes. I rolled them. Then winced with mild disgust. 

Perhaps I’m not one for romantic notions. Or maybe I’m a pragmatic person who does not buy in the whole happily ever after story. It could also be that I didn’t love him enough (sorry, R). Not especially after how freaked out I was to be alone with him because he would try to paw me at any available opportunity (and we only started dating a couple of months AND I was only 16!). 

So yes. I read it, rolled my eyes, shuddered with how corny the whole thing was and threw the trinket into the dark recesses of my drawer. And when we finally broke up a few weeks after (I just had to call it off and not drag it out), he called me tearfully one night and asked me to read that note. I pretended to read it for the first time and he asked me if I would change my mind. I remember myself telling him coldly, no. Never. 

I know, I know, you must be thinking that I’m the incarnate of Cruella de Vil or something, but I also knew if I became soft-hearted and let the relationship drag on, nothing good would have come out of it (except me probably getting raped at 16 because he was always trying). 

I have had no regrets in what I did or said all those years ago because I would still have done the same if I was allowed a second chance. In fact, I would give my 16 year old self a pat on the back for being clear headed and resolute. 

And in case you’re wondering what exactly he wrote, the note said “I love you forever”. Which we all know is a pack of lies. I mean, try asking him now. And come on dude, put your back a little into it. Did you really think those four words would touch a girl so much she would go running back into your arms? Maybe for some, but not me for sure. SHUDDER. 



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s