Please don’t let lightning strike me again. 

I’ve always been a bit of a hypochondriac since I’ve been diagnosed with diabetes. Maybe because the very first hospital doctor I met when I was sent to the A&E department told me “Diabetes complications will set in in ten years”. Fuck. I was only 17 then, so the thought of potentially dying before I turn 30 was honestly terrifying. Well, I’ll be 32 in a few months and so far so good. *crosses fingers*

However, recently I’ve not been too well. In recent times, I get this tingly feeling in my limbs when I drink in excessive amounts. But even when I’m totally off alcohol, it doesn’t go away. As I type, the tingling has been on me non-stop for about a week already. And my left arm feels slightly weak. I can still lift stuff and all, but it’s this achy, annoying feeling that I can’t shake off. And to top the icing on the cake, my right thigh has this pain which has been around for two months now. 

I tried googling, but as we all know, the results always come back as if I’m terminally ill. Like, “You could be having symptoms of a stroke, seek immediate medical attention.”, or “Call your doctor immediately, it could be cancer.”. Thanks, as if I wasn’t freaked out enough. 

Just so I had my regular medical appointment last week, and as I was describing these symptoms to my doctor (who is also my customer because I sell diabetic drugs), I couldn’t stop my crybaby self from bursting into tears. Now that was embarrassing. However, he barely bat an eyelid and gave me some neurology drugs to try for two weeks. He just said it could be neuropathy in a way like I just am having a common cold. I didn’t check how many days it takes for this drug to reach steady state (I.e start working its magic), but it’s been three days and nothing has improved. 

He did say though to go back if nothing changes after two weeks because he’s going to refer me to an orthopaedic to get my leg checked out. Oh good times never seem to last for me. Every time I’m in a happy place, something has to happen. 

I hate hate hate all this waiting around. The anxiety mounts and mounts and even if it doesn’t explode in my face, the accumulated stress is almost too much to bear. I’m so afraid. 

xoxoxoxo. 

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