Malady of my heart. 

Oh I doubt I’ll ever be cured of this! As you all already know, I’ve tried countless times to harden my heart and move on from X and failed spectacularly. But how can I, when he keeps tugging at the invisible string that’s tied to my heart?

He just returned from a two-week vacation with his mum from Paris (just the place I love the most) and we were supposed to meet up to exchange gifts of food (me: nuts from HCMC, him: orangette from Paris). So the meet up didn’t happen and instead, he invited me to his home for a meal. I honestly thought that it was just a simple meal but boy, was I in for a surprise. 

So the moment I arrived, he went from the kitchen to his room which was a perfectly ordinary thing to do, or so I thought. And he came out carrying a dust bag with a huge grin on his face. I believe mine was equally wide. The thing about X is that he hates buying gifts for people. He has told me this multiple times and I’ve seen it myself. He especially abhors buying souvenirs from a trip because he thinks it’s troublesome. So being the practical man that he is, he only buys food items as gifts, which is how my orangettes came about. 

So of course I’m so happy because I got a non-food gift on top of the chocolates. And when I opened the bag, oh my heart. He gifted me with another bag! He previously gave me one after his Paris trip four years back and I love that bag to pieces. So much so that I use it at every opportunity and therefore is now beginning to show signs of being worn. And I even lamented a couple of times to him how devastated I’d be if the bag cannot be used anymore. And now, I have another! Because his gifts are a rare occurrence and because much thought goes into them, I’ll treasure them forever and a day, even after they cannot be used. 

Then we went back to the kitchen (I only watched haha) and he was telling me the story of buying my bag. Just so you know, the brand has shares my name, so it’s as if this bag was meant for me and me only (and all the other Sabrinas in the world). And then he said something that buckled my knees. “Since I couldn’t bring you to Paris this time, I brought back a piece of Paris for you.” GOOD LORD GIVE THIS MAN AN AWARD ALREADY! I cannot tell you in words how I felt at that moment but words are unnecessary. I want to go down on one knee and ask him for his hand. 

I did manage to calm my titties down enough to enjoy dinner.

The highlight of the dinner was the pear tart. I had my first taste of a pear tart during my trip to Paris two years back and I’ve loved it ever since. He actually hand-carried the pears on a 12-hr plane ride just for this. 

And I usually don’t consume caffeine after 4pm but that night, I broke all of my own rules and drank TWO cups of coffee a couple of hours to my bedtime. What does a small issue like being wide awake in the wee hours of the night and having to wake up for work early the next morning matter???

And as people always say, all good things come to an end. I had to force myself to go home because of work the next day. After I got home, we chatted some more and he told me that the dinner was Parisian-themed and he wanted to recreate the flavous of Paris for me and that he would be disappointed if I didn’t enjoy it because he put much thought and effort into the dinner. STOP IT. MY HEART CANNOT TAKE SO MANY POUNDINGS. 

So tell me. How in the world am I supposed to move on and find another when he keeps doing and saying things to hold me back? I don’t ever want to go guys. I cannot go. Let me just revel in this joy until he pisses me off the next round hahaha. I WANT TO BRING THIS MAN HOME. 

xoxoxoxo. 

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