November is my favourite month simply because it’s my birthday month and I’m utterly biased.
I turn a boring 31 this year and I’ve no plans to celebrate it. Funny how when I was younger I would spend so much time planning where to go, what to wear, who to invite and what to do that it was all that filled my mind. Not sure if it’s an age thing or I just cannot be bothered anymore.
The only plans I have are from the boys. We penciled 28 November into our calendars months ago because it is their annual mission to make me drunk till I collapse. Yes, we are sadistic that way. I haven’t been ingesting copious amounts of alcohol in a long time, so I’m truly afraid. I can only pray either of them pass out before I do.
As per my own weird tradition, I’ve taken leave on my birthday. Can’t remember since when I started this, but I used to do it because I believed that if a client calls to fuck you on your day, you’ll be fucked the whole year through. However, since I’m a rep, it doesn’t matter if I’m physically at work or not because I’m just one phone call away from being fucked.
Since my birthday falls on a Thursday and I have some leave to clear, I took Friday off as well, but I having absolutely no plans. Very probable I’ll sleep in till my heart is content, but maybe I should do something, just because.
X has asked me out for lunch next Monday. I’m not sure if I should be excited or not because look how our last meeting turned out. I want to be excited, but boys and girls, we already know that the more expectations you have, the more disappointed you’ll be.
Just a couple of days back, I went out for dinner and drinks with a friend and he asked me why exactly I’m so hung up on X. He kept telling me I deserve better but I thought otherwise. I’m not a good a person he thinks I am and I most certainly feel I don’t deserve X more like. And you know, I’ve managed to keep my feelings at bay for awhile now, but all that probing made me peel at my scabs with a vengeance again.
All the memories I have with him from the last three and a half years made me remember exactly why I fell so hard for him.
Oh my god. I need to stop.