You messed with the wrong bitch.

There’s this extremely rude colleague of mine who has been getting on my nerves and basically just testing my limits. She’s my age and is preggers with baby number two and it seems like she’s made it her personal mission to get all her other single colleagues coupled (there are many of us).

So that day, I was walking around the office looking for something when I had the misfortune of walking into her path. My other colleague who was trapped immediately pulled me into the mix (why do people like dragging me into their shit?). She was genuinely appalled when I began my usual spiel of how I’m ok being single. She then brought up every possible way to get me attached, chained to the kitchen sink while turning into a sow. Never have I been so glad to have my bowels act up at that inopportune time.

Then the next day, she sent me a private text when I replied in a group chat that I was unable to make it for a bonding session which was planned at the last minute. I joked that she should be glad I wasn’t going to be there to torture everyone’s ears (a karaoke session was in the works) and she said this:

image

Seriously. What kind of fuckery is this?! Not sure if she has zero IQ, EQ, no manners or no filter. Hey, I own a mirror and I can see for myself that I possess some unwanted blubber. But she is stereotyping! Who says all fat people eat a lot? And please, even if my appetite was humongous, it wouldn’t result in her having to eat less. Ok, let’s say that I do consume an obscene amount of food, but how does that even concern her?! Bloody busybody.

My close friends occasionally make fat jokes but the important factor is that we are tight and even I make fun of myself. She should be aware that I don’t even consider her my friend, she’s just a colleague. And I feel mildly insulted because people who know me know how little I eat. I just happen to have excess weight because of a medical condition that required metabolic-slowing medication. Ok, I have to admit that I’m lazy too, but that’s really beside the point.

This bitch made a comment earlier this year while we were taking a group photo that she should stand next to me to look smaller. Fuck you. At that point I felt her comment was mean but I was new to the company and didn’t want to come across as petty or defensive.

I posted the same picture on Instagram and my friends told me to tell her off. I’m a little hesitant because I don’t believe in being nasty at work.

I do feel a little wronged that I have to put up with this fuckshit and that she has crossed the line of not even having basic respect for another human being.

By the way, I happen to think she’s a little fugly but you don’t hear me asking “Who would fuck that?” because that would be plain mean. And I don’t comment on how she’s dressed like she’s 30 going on 70 because everybody is entitled to their own fashion mistakes. Most certainly, I don’t tell her that she looks like a whale when she’s pregnant because I was brought up way better than that.

My company has been very big on harassment recently and I heard that people actually got dismissed of comments they make. She’s got two strikes now. I cannot guarantee that I’m going to continue playing nice if it happens a third time.

Not that I’m threatening her, but my friends know how much a bigger bitch I can be if I want to and people generally don’t mess with me. Consider herself warned.

xoxoxoxo.

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