I just realised this scary trait I seem to possess whenever I have one too many drinks.
Over the years, I’ve seen many types of drunks; the crier who gets emotional over anything (especially matters of the heart), the fighter who wants to take on even probably Hulk Hogan if he accidentally brushed you in the club, the comatose (personally very afraid of this type) who literally just fall into deep sleep like Sleeping Beauty and will not wake up even if you squeezed lemons into the eyes just to name a few.
Me? I have certainly evolved. I used to be just a broken record. I can tell you something really mundane and then proceed to repeat with the same enthusiasm as if it was the first time at staggered intervals. Then with age, on top of being a parrot, I progressed to having some form of memory loss. I seem to have some parts of the night completely wiped out from my brain (“Tequila?! What tequila? You mean I drank tequila??!! But I don’t even like tequila!!!). What is impressive though, is the ability to still function on autopilot no matter how smashed I get. Like how I know and remember to remove my contacts and makeup, go for a shower and sleep with a plastic bag just in case I need to barf etc.
Recently however (to my own horror), I realised that I’ve become worse. So on top of those two traits, I’ve become a blind and pervy drunk. I noticed this touchy feely act of mine from a little while back, but I simply put it down to the Man of My Dreams being the subject therefore. But nooooo… I was out celebrating my buddy’s (K) birthday together with another friend and after I sobered up the next day, I seem to recall hazy memories of myself touching and resting my hand on his thighs. Oh my fucking god. Where is this memory loss function when you need it?! In case if you’re wondering if the latter looks like Quasimodo, I assure you he’s not. It’s just not right for me to molest someone like that. Wtf was I doing?! I hope and pray that he has no recollection because things might get awkward.
Then I also remember (after molestee left) that we were chilling and drinking and I was thinking how the guy sitting opposite me is not bad. Except that he’s totally not my type (wannabe popster pretty boy kind) and he’s like underaged. Ok so he’s just five years younger but what, now I’m a paedophile too??!?! Totally horrified and ashamed of myself now. Perhaps we drank too much (K and I started drinking beer from 6pm and we only stopped at 6am), perhaps I’ve been cooped up at home way too long, perhaps I’m turning into a desperate man-eater. Perhaps I should quit drinking.
Please please please tell me I’m not alone in possessing this shameful behaviour, or I really might have to abolish alcohol in my life for good.