Call me Fail, Fail Girl.

Just like that, and half a year has whooshed passed? Weren’t we just singing Auld Lang Syne just a little while back? I don’t feel that I’ve done a whole lot the past six months other than working, working, working.

I’m not one for PDA usually, but I’m going to have to admit that I miss X terribly. There. I said it. We’re still status quo yet not quite if you get my drift. We’ve been communicating a whole lot more (without me initiating like before). Long phone conversations, texting for hours on end (such a time-waster I know), arguing and then working things out and then some more. It’s almost like we’re a couple but we’re not. And then he likes to talk about the future with both of us still in it like now or use lots of “we” in our conversations.

A part of my heart leaps and backflips each time he does that but a bigger part keeps nagging me to keep my emotions under check. Because he has made it clear remember? Just the other day, I mentioned that I was going out for dinner and it could be that I was overthinking things, but his tone changed and he wanted to know where I was going and with whom. I wanted to tell him to mind his own business, but a sadistic part of me was happy because he sounded mildly, just mildly jealous. And he reverted to being his usual self after he found out that I was meeting an all-female group.

I was also supposed to meet him yesterday to help him with something. This was scheduled a couple of weeks back and I was gleefully counting down the days. I even declined all other plans. Then of course he cancelled, and not only was I left in limbo but was also left with a ton of disappointment. I never learn, do I?

It’s either I have a memory of a goldfish, or the phrase “once bitten twice shy” simply does not exist in my life. I’ve tried to wean myself off him but it’s obviously not working because he knows exactly how to wrap me around his pinky.

Come to think about it, I have the willpower of rice paper. Resolution to stop shopping- fail. Decision to lose weight- fail. Determination to move on from X- major fail. Just call me Fail Girl from this day on.



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