Mayday, Mayday.

May. It’s May already?! I’m amazed at how fast time is whooshing by like a bullet train. On the job front, because my sales targets are monthly instead of quarterly, I chase numbers every single day. Which can be quite stressful. And you know how I spend money like how Roald Dahl’s Henry Sugar throws money from his balcony when I get stressed.

So, I’ve decided to make a couple of changes in my life. For a start, I’ve made up my mind not to do any shopping in the month of May. No clothes, no shoes and definitely no bags. The number of unworn new clothes I have is appalling. I’ve given away bags of clothes, many with their tags still on. If I cut down on shopping, I’d definitely be a much much much richer person than my current broke ass. I’ve attempted this multiple times but have never succeeded. I’m determined to see it through this time. Watch this space.

My weight. It’s getting a bit depressing eating only vegetables for dinner especially when I sometimes crave for carbs so bad. But the good thing is, I’ve managed to cut down on my snacking which I’m hopeful that I might get rid of it altogether one day, some day. No easy feat because I’m like the reigning queen of potato chips. I’m keeping a photo of myself from just two years ago in my phone to remind myself that I can return to being slim(mer) and hot(ter).

Lack of sleep. There have been many people who have been commenting on how bad my dark eye rings are. Even I scare myself sometimes when I look in the mirror. And no amount of makeup helps. Unless I want to be related to pandas, I need more rest. So for a start (because drastic measures may very well backfire), I force myself to sleep before 1am on weekdays. I know it’s almost 3am now but weekends are my cheat days. Start slow, remember?

X. I’m aware as I scroll through my previous posts that I sound mildly bipolar. I accuse him of being hot and cold but I’m no better myself haha. Well, I’m still on the fence for this one. My friends have been telling me to move on move on move on, but it’s easier said than done. Give yourself a time frame, they say, and move on after the time is up, but I cannot do it. One has also reminded me not to be smitten and has gone as far as to say she will not “like” a photo I posted of his recent exhibition even though she thinks it’s nice because she doesn’t want me to be smitten further. Who’s the crazy one here now?

We have been chatting tons more, making each other laugh more (or maybe that’s just me because I’m smitten) and he has been opening up more. In fact, he wanted my company because he was frustrated and needed to let off steam. Ahhhh, let me just clear the air that this want, frustrations and needing to let off steam is of the non-sexual kind. What kind of silly woman did you think I was? He just needed to unload to someone and I’m glad it was me. So the conclusion is, I’m still confused haha. After going round and round and round the mulberry bush, we’re right back where we started.

I’ll tackle these issues with baby steps. Lots of willpower needs to be exercised especially on the no shopping front. I can foresee how torturous it will be. Might as well gourge out my eyeballs. Holy shit it’s only the 3rd of May! I still have a trillion days ahead.

May I have resolves of steel.
May I remain motivated.
May the force (and all the gods) be with me.
May I get out of being smitten by everything he says and does.
May the month of May fly by too.

xoxoxoxo.

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