Nondescript mumbles.

Sick again. To be more precise, I have not had the chance to fully recover but work had beckoned me. So, not even a week later and I’m down again, spending my Friday night in feeling drowsy from the meds. For a year and a half I’m like an ox and when I get sick, boy do I fall sick.

I’ve not been on my best behaviour I’ll have to admit. I was supposed to be on leave this coming Monday and Tuesday to rest and to go on our picnic. Then, the boss decides to freeze all leave for a month because call rates are like shit and our new product is not doing as spectacularly as the management accepted. So my leave got rejected a literal minute after I clicked the submit button. And I waited. Waited patiently for a month before I can see him again.

Then he drops the bomb on me that his entire May is packed and he doesn’t know when he has time for me again. This could possibly be the rest of the year. Of course, you’d know that this is not the first time that he has no time for me and I should be used to it by now.

But no. I keep making the same mistake of having expectations even though I know the more of that I have, the more painful the fall will be. So I threw a tantrum like any mature and sensible woman of (almost) 31 would. Not to him, not to anyone, but myself. Because I deserve it for not learning my lesson.

Okok I admit. I was cold to him too. Didn’t want to talk and when I did, my replies were short and curt. He must have felt the ice upon him because he kept trying to get me back in the funk. Which I eventually did because as you know, I’m the kind of person who explodes and goes back to my normal self.

Not that I think this is an honourable way of dealing with my emotions. In fact, I greatly dislike my quick temper and volatile nature. And because I don’t know how to deal with stress, I shop. I just keep buying and buying even though I have more than enough outfits to see me through a year or two. Maybe even three.

The only bright spot this week is that I’ve lost a KG! Well to be precise, it’s 900 grams but who cares about the nitty gritty. My three weeks of having healthy salads for dinner is starting to pay off. I need to lose more. Running out of work clothes to wear because some of them are getting too tight and uncomfortable for running around.

The effects of the meds are kicking in again, so good night.


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