Fat and fatter.

People who know me know that I’m eternally struggling with weight, and I’m always on a perpetual diet, except that I’m never serious about it. Other than the time where I had diabetes and didn’t know it yet, I’ve always been fleshy (nice way of putting it, fatty!).

I couldn’t come to terms especially when I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism when I was in my prime at 18. From a svelt 49kg, I literally ballooned to 78kg (my heaviest ever)! Imagine going from a UK8 to a UK16 in about two months. I swear I was depressed then. The meds to counter that condition acts like a retardant. It slows your metabolism (so that you won’t die from having too fast of a beating heart) to an almost non-existent state.

This thyroid problem has been haunting me for years and years. It comes, I need medication, I become fatter, I recover, lose some weight, it comes back in full force, I balloon again.

I’m in my off period now (touch wood that it won’t come back) and I’m still fighting off the excess weight. In fact, I was doing quite well until I decided to start exercising. In one of my previous post, I mentioned how ravenous I’d get post workout and how I’d stuff and stuff my greedy face.

I just changed my doctor recently, and as a basic routine, told me to get on the scales. When I saw those numbers, I nearly passed out. I’m back to almost when I was at my heaviest. No wonder my work clothes have been so tight and uncomfortable to wear in recent times. No shit, Sherlock.

So now, I’m forced to be disciplined. Other than wanting to take better care of myself for better health, I also want to lose weight because I want to look good naked. Not that there’s anyone to see me naked now or in the near future, but you know, a girl’s gotta be prepared.

I’ve dug out photos from just two years ago where I was wayyyy slimmer to remind me everyday that I can be slim and that it’s not impossible. I’ve been eating just salads (without any fattening dressing) and a little bit of carbs (because I cannot skip my jabs) for dinner. I’m also trying to snack less especially on weekends. I’m the kind of person who can hoover up an entire bag of chips in a single sitting. Yup, greedy guts indeed.

It’s still early days, I’m old enough to understand that change takes time and miracles won’t happen overnight. I doubt that I’ll ever return to being 49kg again, but for now, I’m just going to take baby steps and focus on reaching the 60s first. Whoever said females won’t reveal sensitive information such as weight obviously haven’t met me. In fact, I think your ridicule and mockery might just be the thing to spur me on.



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