This girl (nearly) is on fire.

Life is good. I think I can safely say this is the best month of my life. No work, no stress, I sleep till I wake up naturally most days (which is about 12pm haha. It’s ok, I have a month here and I don’t see the need to rush rush rush), I found out what a truly great area I live in and a thousand other reasons.

But a few days ago, all these nearly came to a sudden stop. You know how we’ve all read articles or stories about someone nearly setting the kitchen on fire while attempting to cook? And how in our minds we go “what an idiot!”?

I think I should go in the Guinness book of records or something. I wasn’t even attempting to cook; I was just microwaving my dinner. Yes, you read that right. I’m now imagining you all thinking “what’s so difficult to pop something into a microwave and wait for it to ping?!”. That’s what I thought too. Those instructions on that damn box of samosas were clearly wrong. It said to put it at 750w for 20 minutes. I only set it at 700w and it started burning at 17 minutes. I even google translated (everything’s in French here) to be doubly sure.

Guess who had no dinner that night save for some limp vegetables and my emergency stash of instant soup. The samosas were so burnt the insides were completely black. Salvation was not an option. If there was a hidden camera I’m sure it would be very funny.

Me jumping from the sofa with great dexterity (I was engrossed watching a Hong Kong drama), stopping the microwave and turning to see the whole apartment in smoke. All I can say is that I’m thankful there are no smoke detectors. Yes, it was that bad. I had to open the windows and the hood thing which sucks smoke up (I don’t even know its actual name!) and sit in the cold air for two hours because I was trying to air the apartment out. It didn’t work.

Had to sleep in that smelly and burnt environment and had to google (again) for ways to get rid of the burnt smell in the microwave. Thank goodness I had lemons.

So you see, even though I was forced to take Food & Nutrition as a core subject in my secondary school days, nothing good came out of it. I’m sure my F&N teacher would get a heart attack if she heard of her incompetent ex-pupil. This puts me off cooking further.

I felt so sorry for myself and even more stupid that I can’t even manage a simple task of pushing a few buttons. I’m now even more determined to live with my parents forever so that I’ll never have to worry about operating electrical appliances.

When I told him about it, he was appalled and also pitied me. He has volunteered to give me cooking lessons when we’re back in Singapore and even bravely said that he’ll eat my food as long as it’s cooked. I hope he likes burnt stuff. I’m also praying that he has a strong stomach and an even better insurance coverage.

So, I’m that idiot you all know now.


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