After dishing out that classic line, they put your fire torch out and you’re out of the game. Mine was put out this afternoon.
After more than two years of playing the waiting game with X, I hereby announce that it’s over. Not by my choice. It is also with an extremely heavy heart that I’m typing this post. It sometimes amazes me how quickly things change.
So we were having our usual, non-important text conversation yesterday and the topic of men came up. He’s always encouraging me to go for rich men, this man, that man, or any man in particular. So after we said our good nights, I wrote him an email telling him to stop doing that because he of all people should know how annoying that can be. He also said I won’t be young forever so I should grab whatever opportunities life throws me in the romance department.
I was annoyed and a little cheesed off. He knows I like him yet he keeps saying insensitive things like that. I also asked him once more if he’s ok with it should I really be wooed by others. He replied yes. I was at work when I dumbly opened the email. My eyes welled up immediately and my heart flinched. Not in a positive way of course.
The killer line that gave me the ultimate kick in the gut: “This is the problem – you ask the same question twice. My answer to your question is yes, no matter the distaste i have on relationship, 我很希望你找到好對象, but it cannot happen if you are persistent with your feeling.” The words in Chinese translates to I really hope that you’ll find a good match.
Seeing his cruel words again has brought on the waterworks. So apparently I’m not entitled to my own opinion. I cannot like somebody even if he does not reciprocate. He wants me to move on because We will never happen and there will never be any Us.
You know, my heart has not ached like this for a while now. While this is less painful than when my previous relationship ended, I cannot stop myself from crying. Silly me I know. Men come and go. And maybe this is the perfect reason why I should never have let my guard down again.
I feel like I’m falling apart at the seams. Since he wants so badly for me to go, I will. Not because it will make me happy but because he will. He said it so himself. But for tonight, I’ll have to hold my heart together so that it won’t break further.