Next better player, maybe.

What do you do when a person pops up in your mind every single day and sometimes you suddenly go “oh I have to tell him this!”, but you stop yourself because you’re sure he won’t be very interested.

How do you continue to like him day after day even though he’s on most days, at best lukewarm?

The thought of him going away to a different time zone for two months greatly depresses you because communication will become even more sporadic. You then comfort yourself saying nevermind because in the third month you’ll get to see him almost everyday and that alone is almost sufficient to negate the earlier fact.

People tell you to give up and move on because you deserve better and all the typical textbook stuff, but you have no intention of letting go because in the deep recesses of your mind, you know there’s something more.

He knows that you like him and he has never outrightly given you an affirmation or rejection. So it still stinks when you tell him how you feel, like missing him and thinking of him and all you get is a blank.

Some signs are so in-your-face obvious, but others give you so much hope. I think this is what people mean when they say mind-fuck. I’m not sure if he thinks you’ll be around forever or something else, but he doesn’t realise that this could be a trigger point to leave should another come along one day.

You know there are some days when you just feel like throwing whatever is in your hands onto the ground, then you stamp your feet and let out the hugest whine complete with a terrible sulk on your face? Yup, I’m having one of those now. Not literally because it is unbecoming for a woman who’s almost 30 to be throwing a mighty tantrum. Most importantly it’s because no one will be there to see it.



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