The (one-sided) love letter.

Dear X,

Just so you know, your absence has been greatly missed. There are tons of things which are happening which you’re not aware of. Many a times I want to tell you that I miss you, but I have to hold myself back (with the mental equivalent of the strength of 50 stallions) because I’m afraid of your reaction, and more importantly that you’ll run away like the wind into the horizon never to come back again.

It is here that I confess I tell you (in my mind) that I miss you multiple times a day, hoping that my channeling actually works. Obviously it hasn’t. Or maybe it has that’s why we barely even text these days.

To be honest, I dislike this hot and cold game you’re playing. I never liked mind games and I don’t intend to start now.

You know that I’ve been the target for any opportunity to be match-made by my colleagues and friends. They are obviously more concerned about my lackluster love life than myself. Just to let you know, one of my colleague wants to introduce her cousin to me. Just to also let you know, I’m apparently still quite marketable. Another of my team mate says I’m an absolute hoot (her words not mine) to be with and lucky is the man who is with me (still her words not mine).

The last time I told you about one of the match-making attempts, you asked me if I would go if the man is eligible. I said no then. I’ll still say no now. But I don’t know if I’ll ever say yes one day since you’re breaking my heart a little more each day. I hope that day will not come.

Perhaps I’m feeling mildly sappy tonight because I feel vulnerable. I must have eaten something wrong (or maybe too much) because I’m not feeling tip top. I tend to get a little needy when I feel sorry for myself.

You don’t have to know this but I’m here waiting. I’m quietly (and you know I don’t usually do quiet so this is a feat in itself) cheering you on in your final days leading to the submission of your final project. I secretly pray (and you know what a terrible catholic I am) that you get commissioned work when you’re in the discussion stage and for regular teaching jobs so that you’ll be more exposed to the rest of the world. And even though you’ll be missing from my life when it eventually happens, I’m rooting for you to realise your dream of creating beautiful pieces of art and exhibiting overseas. Most of all I’m waiting for you to notice me a little more in your life.

Remember, I’m not ready to say yes. Not yet.



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