My heart is bursting. I need to get a grip on myself. Someone needs to shake me by the shoulders till my teeth rattle and ask me to snap out of it.
Rewind a little. Work has been so-so. I’ve had my good and bad days. Good because it seems I might get some incentive for Q1. Not so good because I’m going mad. Mad because this person whom I call The Stepmother has been driving me up the wall. Started driving me for a couple of months already, but it has been increasingly frustrating of late. Frustrating because it disrupts my normal work days through incessant demands. So incessant you won’t believe how ludicrous it can get. How ludicrous I wish I could tell you. But I can’t because Fate might want to play a cruel prank on me.
I’ve always said that only puppies whine. *slowly raises hand* I’m guilty of turning into a whiner (not weiner mind you) of late. I cannot help it. If I don’t let it out I might just drive my car into a tree on purpose because it is that stressful.
Before you go all pish tosh what a wuss for not being able to handle stress, hold your eye-rolling. I can handle stress, it’s just that there’s a lot of mind-fucking and many things beyond my control and I’m compelled to break many rules that makes my panties go in a bunch.
Needless to say, X has involuntarily become my sounding (and maybe dart) board. I told my family too but my parents seem ready to gather the villagers and stake out The Stepmother’s abode with burning torches and rakes and dismember her limb by limb. Using a blunt spoon.
I don’t blame them because they want to stand up for their poor daughter who has been treated so unjustly, but I could really do with less drama.
X has been great. Ummm in his own way great. He commiserates with my plight, encourages me to be strong (as if I’m going to war), gives me advice and hurls insults with me at her. Except that his insults come nowhere close to mine. At being evil, that is. I guess it’s written in the stars who’s meant to be banished to Hell and who is meant to go to the Heavens, sing melodic hymns and pluck at harp strings.
So I’ve been sinking lower and lower (both ethically and in morale) when I received this this morning:
I’m quite sure he didn’t plan this (because this good man is so swamped with work he barely texts me), though in the deep recesses of my mind I wish he did. It honestly put a great big smile on my face. And it set the tone for my day for I had a good one (I meant a good day one not a good bonking session one). Then again, these days, I consider any day without having any contact with the Stepmother as good days. See what kind of hold she has on me?!
This means so much to me. In my own delusional mind, I shall assume that I’m occasionally in his thoughts and that he does care. Having me in his thoughts beats all those frivolous I-love-yous and other mushy things people say to each other.
Fuck who am I kidding. I bet nobody believed me for a moment. Ok I admit I’m greedy. I want all those and more hahaha… It might not ever come or maybe it will in 20 years. I don’t know. But what I know is that I’m soooooo thankful I met him in my life. He who has given me little gestures that make my life a tad cheerier.
I cannot ever ever say this to his face (because Mr-Committment-Phobe will run away to South Africa and run the risk of being eaten alive by lions) but, X, I love you for being you, weird quirks and OCD and all. Thank you for making me so happy in the two years I’ve known you. Finally, I’ve found someone who’s as weird (if not more weird) than myself.