Tick tock, it’s time.

Tick tock.
In less than eight hours, I’m going to check myself into the hospital to get the biopsy done. Yes, that dreaded day is coming faster than I can say hippobearpig. I would be lying if I said I’m not one bit afraid. I am fucking terrified actually. I know, it’s not as if they are going to slice me open, but the thought of going under anesthesia then having a long (and probably thick) needle going into my back and through my lung is enough to give me the heebie jeebies.

Tick tock.
In about seven hours, my GFF will be coming to pick me up and send me there. My original plan was to take a cab to and from because they advised against driving myself. Imagine me driving and puking at the same time if I happen to suffer from the side effects of the anesthesia. Haha. Except I’m not really laughing. I’m very thankful though. I tried to reject her kind offer because it’s so early, but she insisted. I cried last night because her support made me feel less alone.

Tick tock.
The few people who know about tomorrow (namely my managers) have been extremely kind. They offered to go with me as well as their chauffering services. I told them I’ll manage on my own even though deep down I’m really scared. My family doesn’t know. No point worrying so many people when we don’t even know what it is. X keeps telling me I must be strong. Guess he doesn’t know me well enough to know that I’m a crybaby.

Tick tock.
In about nine and a half hours I’ll be escorted by medical personnel and probably lying on that big, cold metal table. Apparently I get to be specially escorted because I’m going alone. What, you mean I’m getting a send-off by cheering family and friends if I bring the entire village with me?

Tick tock.
At 0650hrs tomorrow, I’ll have to sneakily hide my car in another location. Because my usual lot can be seen from our kitchen window and if anyone at home spots my car when I’m out they’re going to be suspicious. Not sure how long I’ll have to remain in the hospital for observation. They told me four to six hours at least. I’ve started to fast. I hope they rouse me and feed me after the procedure. I’m paying more than 2k I deserve at least a couple of sandwiches.

Tick tock.
I can’t sleep. Guess it’s only normal. X tells me “You need sleep”. Yes, Captain Obvious I’m fully aware of that, but you should also understand that it’s natural to be nervous and sleepless. Anyway why do you care? You’re more concerned about your sick cat than me. Holy mother of god. Did I just get jealous over a cat? This cannot be happening. Sorry for being bitchy. I really hope Mocha is ok. Sorry.

Tick tock.
Even after tomorrow has passed, the next few days will totally mind fuck me until the results are out. I hate waiting. Waiting for people who are not punctual, waiting for the weekends, waiting in lines. So ironic then that my job involves tons of waiting. Waiting for phone calls for sales, waiting in waiting rooms to see my doctors.

Tick tock.
I wish my dearest friends were here to hold my hand. Or distract me by telling me jokes. It’s not that I’m a needy person, but it would be nice to be able to let go once in a while and put down my independent woman mask. Especially in times like this. Ah it’s ok. I forgot I have two hands. I’ll just have to use a little imagination tonight. But I still miss my Bff and the boys.

Tick tock.
When you next hear from me it means that I didn’t die. Till then.

xoxoxoxo.

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2 thoughts on “Tick tock, it’s time.

    • Hello! Just got the results today. Gotta thank the stars and moon that it’s not a tumour, but TB ain’t exactly something to cheer about either…. :/

      But thank you for asking!! 😀

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