I’m a goddess. Only by default.

This time tomorrow, I’ll be somewhere mid air on my way to Turkey for our company’s incentive trip!

Bags are not packed, currency not changed. I’ll probably go into panic mode later today when I wake up so there’s no point in worrying now.

So, it was nice when I received unexpected messages from X. We haven’t really been talking because he’s busy and I didn’t want to interrupt him with my mindless chatter.

Sometimes, I wonder if I have a backbone. You should have seen the smile on my face and the way my heart leapt when I saw that the message was from him. Looked like I slept with a clothes hanger in my mouth last night. Spineless woman.

And that’s all it took to make me happy. I suspect he knows. That’s also why he has me wrapped around his pinkie. Cheeky fella.

What’s there to buy in Turkey anyways? I don’t eat turkish delight and I really doubt the clothes there are my style. (Not that I’m a fashionista or putting their style down…)

What I’m most afraid of actually, is the I’ve-travelled-such-a-long-way-therefore-I-must-buy-something syndrome. I’ve already forewarned my colleagues to pull me away if I decide to buy a carpet. Or a belly dancing outfit. Or a leather jacket which will be as useful in Singapore as a life-sized stuffed gorilla to anyone.

I’m most worried about the lack of internet actually. I’m such a social media addict, but the data plan charges are ridiculous. You can buy an island in a country with that money. Can you imagine not being connected for one week? I can’t. The thought of it makes me want to break down and cry. And fake an illness so that I can cancel.

X said his classmates are curious about me and he said I should make a special appearance one day. But what does that make me then? Do we have to put on an act? Why should I pretend to be his partner even though I’m not, though deep down in my heart I want to be but we can’t because of some issues?

And he said I’m a goddess by default because they are no where like me. It’s a compliment. I think. Right? Even though he used the word ‘default’, that didn’t stop me from imagining myself in a white, flowy toga dress with a laurel leaf crown atop my long blond tresses (even though I have dark brown hair in reality) for a wee moment.

Everything is a bitch. This ping-ponging. Lack of connection. What clothes to pack. Whether it’ll all fit into my luggage. If I’ll succumb to buying an intricately woven rug. If I’ll like the food there. Homaigawd.

The clothes. I realised I have many indecent clothes. Not that they’re slutty but by a Muslim country’s standards, I could very possibly be stoned.

So, about contentment. I’m easily contented, but wonder if it’s a good thing sometimes. Don’t play me like that though. Tell me what you really want.

Fuck. I forgot to pluck my brows! That’s another thing to do when I wake up later today.

I’ll probably disappear for a week. Don’t miss me too much. I know I sound drunk. Not sure if it’s because I’m sleepy therefore my thoughts are all over the place, or I’m starting to get my panties in a knot subconsciously.

I hope I have fun.


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